Wednesday, May 14, 2008

HOW TO: Look like a total douche.

The steps to attain a douche attitude and look:

#1: Watch videoclips of Kanye West and practice his dance moves
#2: Perfect Kanye's individual vocals so much so that when you ring up your friends and sing 'Good Life' they will actually believe that it is Kanye on the other end of the phone.
#3: Rehearse all of Kanye's lyrics so you know them off by heart, making particular attention to change your pronunciation of "with you" to "witchu".
#4: Realise that you have to look like Kanye too so you check out his fashion sense and replicate it so well that you will look like him.
#5: Find some girl in the street to be your "black Kate Moss", so that when you listen to 'Stronger' for the 100000th time you can look at her and wink.
#6: Like icecream with a cherry on top for the perfect can't be Kanye without getting a pair of his trademark douche glasses and sporting them on your face like the douche you are.

Those shades are totally impractical, they defeat the purpose of protecting you from the sun, then don't even look cool..but i guess they do protect you from people who try to poke you in the eye. If you buy them for a laugh then I guess I can cross you off my hate list, but really..they are the epitome of lame.
Adam, I know you'll hate me for bagging Kanye but it was obvious that it would be brought up at some stage.

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